Dating engaged girl

03-Sep-2017 14:11

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You have to start out that way when you get married. You want to make sure you know the person thoroughly and they know you thoroughly. I mean, you make spaghetti, they make spaghetti, but it’s different. You build spiritual intimacy, and the next thing you know, you are getting into physical intimacy. There are two big foundation areas when you get married: You want to know that you can really connect spiritually, and you want to marry somebody that is a friend. Bagby: Define that, because a lot of people don’t know what that means. That’s the best foundation there is, because what happens in our society is people say, “Oh, I’ve got to find somebody to get married to, so I’ll call e-Harmony or one of the others and we’ll start dating.” You’re dating a stranger, for crying out loud! That’s a big issue, because some couples can’t play together because one is so competitive. The issue is not whether you’re similar or dissimilar. I mean, you look at some of the character traits in the Scriptures and you need to bring those into play. It goes back to that commitment thing, which is what this book’s about. Norm Wright: A lot of people say that finances is one of the biggest issues for couples. Then you start asking yourself questions: Do I see myself with this person ten years from now? You might be an expander when you talk – you give a lot of good detail, rich information. Norm Wright: Friendship means you like being in the presence of the other person without the physical. One of the things I’ve told married couples is that if one of them is very proficient in a sport, like golf or tennis, get somebody else to teach your spouse, because you’re going to go in and expect them to be at your level. I taught my wife to fish, and we started out accommodating her level. I bring this up because e-Harmony, you’ve got those 29 dimensions. So it’s good to have those things that are similar, but you’re not going to always have 29 things that are similar. I mean, you choose, love is a choice kind of thing. I guess I question that because is it the finances or the way you deal with them that’s the problem?

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Especially with her health issues, having a brain tumor over the last two years, when we go out, it takes a lot more planning figuring how long will be enough. I might go a certain pace that won’t work for the other person. Now, if you were getting married, one of the things I would ask is, “You cannot take your single lifestyle into your marriage. ” I’ll have you identify what you will be giving up. For example, maybe your fiancé loves to play softball, so you go with him to every game. So you’ve really got to do that and you’ve got to be talking about it. And a real big issue – this is critical – can you speak the other person’s language? They come in with different vocabularies, different dictionaries, different backgrounds. So what you’ve got to do in that relationship – and this is just the tip of the iceberg and that’s why the book , is essential – when you talk with him, condense. And that’s something else when couples get married: How are you going to handle the rough, difficult, unexpected times that happen in your marriage? “Oh, you don’t want to pray one-on-one with this person. Yes, it does develop a deeper intimacy, but to the spiritual area, that’s the foundation you want. I’ve had couples come in and apologize by saying, “We were friends for two years first, and then we got romantic.” Great! Just spend time together, hanging out together, studying together, playing together. Norm Wright: Well, I don’t agree that you have to have the same personality traits. “Wait and think about it for a while and let me know.” Introverts have to think to talk. No couple who gets married, whether you’re different or similar, is compatible. You can take the difference and you can learn to celebrate the different-ness. If you’ve got somebody who’s an impulsive spender, that undermines the marriage and you need to learn to become more frugal. Maybe you say, “You’re really different from me in this whole area. ” It’s the attitude you have toward that thing that’s different. Bagby: It’s kind of like you have to be humble, you have to have humility. Count is to make up your mind to regard that adversity as something to welcome or be glad about. What area do you cover in the book that couples have the most trouble with?

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